Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Vomit and Vagina's

Ooh. The title alliterates. Obviously, this means the following will be a literary masterpiece. LOL.

Today, I am going to use a tip from the No One Cares What You Had For Lunch book on blogging that I talked about reading before. One of the tips was to tell a cringe inducing story. According to the author, the more embarrassing, the better.

Well, here goes. This is, in the interests of a good title, a post of several stories put together. But they all have to do either but not really with both vomit or vaginas.

First the vomit. I just went to my mothers on Good Friday to watch my little great nieces and nephews color Easter eggs. While we were there, two of my great nephews, who shall remain nameless, well, vomitted. Copiously. First the youngest of the two of these nephews did it at the table all over his eggs. He was little enough that he started to cry and ask for his mom and dad who unfortunately were not available. They came with my sister (their grandma).

Then a bit later (not too long actually) the older of the two chucked up his cookies so to speak on the living room carpet (which luckily for my mother is going to be replaced soon by hardwood floor). So what does any of this have to do with vagina's. As I said before, not much. Except that the same vagina produced the little vomitmeisters. LOL.

Apparently, they were both allergic to the peanut butter in the little foil wrapped chocolate peanut butter eggs they ate (they each only ate about 1 or 2!). Seems my mom and I (who both knew about them being peanut butter) forgot about the one boy's allergy (the other nobody knew he was allergic too until then). Good thing it was just a little bit and that they aren't so bad that just the smell or touching of it can lead to breathing problems like some unfortunate kids.

Well, so how does this sad story embarrass me. Well, I told a friend, who must also remain nameless, about this and when I mentioned that the one boy vomitted on the table she reminded me of a rather tasteless episode in my past.

When we both lived at my previous group home along with another mutual friend and one other girl (who was the instigator of this tawdry affair). It all started when we were eating dinner. The girl who caused the ruckus suddenly (as suddenly and without warning as the my two little nephews) vomitted all over her plate of food.

So, how does this reflect badly on me. Well according to the mutual friend of the "friend" (LOL) who reminded me about this (because she might not have been there herself) I continued to eat my dinner. In fairness to me, I did turn my head. LOL.

What my friend actually said to me when I started to tell her the story and had gotten only to the part that he vomitted at the table (but hadn't gotten the chance to say over his Easter eggs and not dinner which she knew was to be served at some point) was "So, did you keep eating?". Impertinent so and so. LOL.

When I pointed out it was over his Easter eggs and then we rehashed the story of my dubious feat of iron stomached wonder she said (about the group home dinner incident) "but you were hungry" in her most sincere voice. She was, of course, mocking me! Bitch. LOL. Then we had a laugh.

That brings us to vagina's. First of all since the title Vomit and Vagina wasn't as good as Vomit and Vagina's I have to tell a somewhat unrelated 1st vagina story. For anyone who has read the Jennifer Love Hewitt's Vagina post from my first month of blogging (Jan 2010) this is somewhat related to that in that this is about a celebrity vagina. Gabourey Sidibe's to be exact.

It seems that in my travels through the blogosphere, I came across a site (that I forgot to make note of which it was sadly) that was making a bit of fun of the extremely zaftig (like myself admittedly) actress from the award-winning film, Precious. It seems that according to this blogger, the victims of both the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile are being housed "in the warmth of Gabourey Sidibe's vagina!". Ample it must be indeed. LOL.

Now, we seque into my embarrassing vagina story. It also has to do with a roommate at a group home. This time my current home. But a former roommate who (for obvious reasons) will also be unnamed. It seems that this roommate (this house is an all female one unlike the other house) was having some mental health issues at the time she said this to me. Well, here goes. I am sitting at the kitchen table (again the kitchen table - no vomitting though) ,minding my own business, when said roommate walks past me from the living room into the kitchen on the way to her bedroom and blithely says "I don't like it when you touch my vagina. It doesn't feel nice, you know.". So I talk to another, marginally saner - LOL, roommate who is also no longer here and ask her if I should tell staff what the loopy roommate said.

She is of course of the very concerned and very serious persuasion and tells me definitely I should tell staff. Not looking forward to this rather embarrassing conversation with the quiet, seemingly quite shy "ethnic" staff member I nevertheless go to do exactly that. So I walk up to her, as she is sitting on the couch doing her paperwork, and I tell her what was said to me. When I am done, I expect her to be a little (or a little bit more than a little) shocked and to, of course, write this down in the communications book.

Instead, she floored me with the following one sentence comment to the gist of "Well, did you" (touch her vagina that is). With a perfectly straight face, no less.

At the time, I was appalled that she wasn't taking it seriously. But in retrospect, it was funny.

So there you have it, vomit and vaginas. Now, had I posted this on the 3rd (Saturday) when I was supposed to I would have said - bon appetit for this Easter weekend. LOL.



  1. I wonder HOW you can resume eating after a person next to you has vomited... I don't know what is more disgusting to watch: The girl vomiting or the other girl eating as nothing happened. LOL.

  2. What can I say. I was "hungry". LOL. Besides I "did" turn my head. LOL.


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