Laura And Dildo Boy

Ok. So I promised to introduce you in my previous post to my very most recent follower - a friend named Brett. This story may be a little shocking to the more conservative folks amongst you so please be forewarned.

I met Brett through Facebook, but not directly so as I said previously. It was through an application called SpeedDate. I know, I know, how cheesy. Although I am single I am not really interested in dating so it is a little odd that I chose to use the SpeedDate application.

I think I added it to get something else and then didn't originally know how to delete it, then when I figured it out I decided to try it to possibly find friends It may seem silly (and it probably is) to expect to find platonic friends on a dating site but that was my plan.

It didn't help that there was this annoying "door-bell" feature that announced a new possibility almost immediately after you finished a very quick three (yes only three) minutes with one person. In spite of that annoyance I did manage to find not one but two guys that I befriended a bit online.

One was Brett. The other was a Nigerian guy named Ajbola but that is mostly another story. The one thing Brett and Ajbola had in common was (surprise, surprise) a belief that I really did want to meet someone to date, ie. have sex with.

Well after alot of conversations that were mostly about sex they finally got the picture (which is also a story for another day - a specific day in fact). So back to Brett specifically. When I say he and Ajbola finally got it I may have been overstating my case a little.

You see, even though I made it perfectly clear that I was not interested in sex with him, sex was still first and foremost the number one thing on his mind. Maybe a little detail that I have so far left out will further explain why. Brett is 18. LOL. Yes, 18. To my almost 42.

Not that that, or my weight, or my psychological "issue" or anything else under God's green earth that I mentioned (all true by the way) would take him off topic. Finally however time did what I could not do myself.

One day, I was talking to him on messenger as always and he tells me in yet again a case of TMI that he is sunning himself - in the nude. I ask him how he can get away with that in the city (especially the high-end neighborhood he lives in with his parents). This is when he tells me he is working for the summer at a farm.

Even so, you might think it a little weird that the owners of the farm were ok with this bit of free-spiritedness but apparently the single owner was not home. On top of that, it turns out that had she been it still really wouldn't have been an issue. Why not? Well because, my dear readers, the lady in question was/is something of a "Mrs. Robinson".

Mrs. Robinson or Mrs "X" as he called her originally seemed to want to get to know the help quite well. Intimately even. It seemed so at least from her actions. You see he told me off a number of rather shocking things this woman who is actually a friend's mother(!) did to show her interest. For one thing lifting up her dress.

Pantiless.

Well fast forward a bit and he is bringing our conversations around to his (self) sex life and how he wants to come into town (he was on the farm for the a good part of the spring/early summer) to buy a dildo. Yes TMI again I thought. So a conversation or two goes by and it seems he gets his little toy.

Because he either doesn't drive or just doesn't have a car it turns out that Mrs. Robinson was his ride for this purchase. I can't remember whether or not he said if she actually saw what he bought (I suggested buying a "shadow" purchase in case she asked) but in the end it turned out not to matter.

This is because after a short while of using his new toy on himself he was already getting bored/adventuresome. He talked of wanting to take his fun further. So I (half-jokingly) suggested that he would have a willing partner in the lady of the manor. He actually asked me if I really thought so.

You see, at first, I think he was unnerved by her forwardness but as I pointed out he was more than willing to bug me to have sex with him and surely she couldn't be much older than me. Not to mention that she seemed more than willing! Anyway, it took very little persuasion for him to actually ask her.

Not surprisingly, the answer was a resounding yes. So, I was the recipient of a few odd (well not so odd) tales of their adventures. The one that sticks out is that she bought him several pairs of ladies panties to wear. He told me this when he asked me to help him choose which pair to first wear. Ah, the things a friend does.

Now, this story is getting a bit long because I was basically not sure what to write exactly although I had the title in mind. I knew it would be chronological so it was bound to be at least a little long but even I am getting tired of waiting for the payoff.

Also, as an aside, I am also tired of typing because of a little exercise I did today that is going to become the subject of a post in the near future about writing I had to type two whole blog posts, that I previously wrote, out in full after writing them out in long-hand because I can't copy and paste. Copying and pasting or rather not copying and pasting is going to be the death of me.

But back to the story at hand now that I have given myself a little breather. I'll try to tie up the story in a few paragraphs with a abbreviated version of the rest. First of all, after Brett and Mrs. "X". got together he took to calling her by her first name, "Tara".

As the stories went on and on I told him (again) that now that he got his first experience (the reason I kind of steered him toward her in the first place) he should start thinking of ending things and finding himself a real girlfriend and obviously someone closer to his age.

Ah, but the lure of sex and sex with a hot-to-trot older woman no less who is more than likely more adventuresome than some random 18 year old that he might have something else in common with proved to much of a lure. After promising that he would do exactly that (end it with the end of the job) he, well lets just say he went back on his word.

In fact, when I was asking him what I could write about him when he asked me to write something on him, I told him I would need some more info and also I told him that I had previously planned to write something on his situation called Laura And Dildo Boy. I asked if he would be offended. Oddly, he wasn't.

Further to the fact he told me one thing when I was asking for other info to possibly write something more generic and less overtly personal. That was to tell people that he loves Tara. Ok. Done. And I'll refrain from stating the obvious.

After all, the one thing I have learned about him (other than more than I care to know about his sex life) is that he is a very sheltered (pot to kettle time - lol) kid who wears his heart on his sleeve. That story may be one for another time as well.

Finally, to conclude, how I got the title for the post since I am calling "Mrs. Robinson" Tara (close as I do to her name but of course not her actual name) and not "Laura" is a bit of a tangential aside to the story. Sort of like how the book/play Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Are Dead came about in my defense.

Remember, I said that when talking to Brett about what I was going to write I said I had the title and some of his story in mind. Well, that was because before "Tara" came along there was "Laura". I just didn't mention her in chronilogical order cause I promised "Laura" the story about her and Brett would not be written. I kind of lied.

That's because if it had been the actual story of Laura And Dildo Boy then it would have been much shorter. Before Tara came on to the scene I was trying to kill two birds with one stone and get Brett off my case and find a more age appropriate (sort of) girlfriend/boyfriend for Brett and Laura.

However, when I told Laura about Brett's endless chatter about sex she vetoed him as a credible choice. Undaunted, I persevered. Not really expecting to change her mind, it became a bit of a joke between us. So when I decided to write a brief story about it the title became fixed in my mind. Tara And Dildo Boy just didn't have the same ring to it. And maybe no small part of it is because their story is more serious.

Anyway, there you have it. My life as a sex therapist and humor writer (or not). Oh and if it got lost in all the details I called him Dildo Boy not just because a boy found himself a toy but because it became his obsession before Tara came into the picture.

So there you go Brett. Don't say you didn't ask for it. LOL. And to Laura sorry but I couldn't help myself and besides you were so little of the story that no one will identify you. As for Tara, well lets just say your on your own, hope your son doesn't find out, and please be good to Brett. He's a nice kid.

Carmen

P.S. This turned out to be only slightly less (I counted paragraphs) longer than my opuses on LiveBridge. Each of the three LiveBridge posts were all just slightly shorter. So this wasn't too much beyond the pale. I've been here before. LOL.